Wednesday, July 27, 2011

"Transformers: Dark of the Moon" review: A TURD!!!

I'm not going to spend a lot of time with this movie here because everything's flushable about this visual effects-bloated, overly long, badly acted, seriously boring slam fest!! The only positive thing in this pointless continuation of the "Transformers" saga? That the effects weren't bad...but that's about it!

Shia LaBeouf seems to be going through the motions as he continually chases after blonde bimbo in distress / English model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley who can't act her way out of a paper bag. I didn't care about a single character in this whole friggin' movie and as the gi-normous battle in the streets and skies of Chicago dragged on and on and on AND ON, I was praying for the credits to roll and bring this mess to a close!

When the film finally DID end, I literally got up out of my seat and said somewhat loudly 'WHAT...A...TURD!!! "GREEN LANTERN" WAS AN OSCAR WORTHY MASTERPIECE NEXT TO THIS CRAP!!" Some of the handful of people still left in the theater chuckled. It's been a long time since I've ever had THIS negative a response to any movie. Now, "Transformers: Dark of the Moon" takes that prized place! Michael Bay's giant robot, action baby, chunk-o-shit #3 is a little embarrassing for Steven Spielberg to even have his name attached.

If you notice...over on the right side bar I've given this movie NO STARS!!! A FIRST!! In fact, if I could give it negative stars that would be even better.

Just moments after we'd exited the theater I could barely tell you what happened over the course of the story because it was just that forgettable. I had to chuckle with frustration when I drove by several digital billboards days later where the movie was being heralded as 'the number one movie in the world!' Make sure you bring trash bags to cover yourself if you see it in the theater. This movie is so shitty you might actually feel like feces are flying out at you! Particularly if viewed in 3D.


At July 27, 2011 at 5:47 PM, Anonymous Allen said...

Seriously, you can't bottle up your feelings anymore. Let it out before you have a heart attack or something! LOL!!!

It's a shame (like you said) that Spielberg's name is attached. After the teaser trailer I was sold, glad you took a bullet for me, now I can steer clear!

At July 29, 2011 at 2:57 PM, Blogger LA Filmcutter said...

Yes, this is one that's best left UNWATCHED!!


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