The 7 ways "Smallville" raped the Superman canon

There was a recent article on Blastr.com heralding the 7 ways "Smallville" changed the Superman comic-book canon. I, of course, had to do my own version out of my complete and total love of this incredible show....BBAAARRRFFF!!!! LOL!

What, you thought I forgot about doing this? Aside from the fact that they got Lex Luthor's origin right (and cast a great actor in the role), here's my rundown:

1. Forming The Fortress of Solitude; this is how the series should have ended. Clark finally realizes what he must do, heads to the northern frozen tundra and discovers his birthright via the recorded messages of his dead father, Jor-El. NOT a place we build halfway through the series to have a bunch of friends and girlfriends over! C'mon!! It was cheapened by the fact that it almost became Clark's 'guy pad'. Lame!

2. Every DC hero and his brother showing up in Smallville; Green Arrow, Aquaman, Cyborg, The Flash, Supergirl, Hawkman....Seriously?! Let's just have everything that happens to Clark as Superman later in life...happen right next to the Kent Farm! Give me a fucking break!! BTW, what can Aquaman possibly do IN THE MIDDLE OF A CORNFIELD?!

3. Clark goes and works at the Daily Planet while still living in Smallville and still not even thinking about his future persona of Superman. Vrrrooommm! I'm a confused biker boy who needs action. Hey. let's go rape the future home of Clark Kent and Superman while we're at it! Jeez, like SLOW DOWN, EH?! Oh I forgot, we need to have everything that ever happened to Superman happen in this show.

4. I was certainly willing to accept characters like Lionel and Chloe because the creators, writers and producers of the show were trying to expand the universe of Clark Kent's teen years. But when they introduced Lois Lane into Clark's live and the midwestern town he crash landed in as a baby, I was rolling my eyes with extreme displeasure. NO!! Clark DOES NOT meet Lois until he gets to Metropolis! STOP IT!! This had to have been one of the most 'pushing it' aspects of the show. She was more like a model rather than the spunky reporter we all know and love (God Bless Margot Kidder!). I'm sure even Joe Shuster and Jerry Siegel were spinning in their graves with this one.

5. The Justice League...see #2. REALLY, REALLY SUPER BAD!!! And I don't mean the Judd Apatow movie! An almost laughable and completely ludacrious attempt at speeding up the Superman harvest. Isn't this series suppose to be about Clark Kent growing up? Suddenly it turned into 'how many DC heroes can we possibly and ridiculously cram on this show'! Even though the costume design at times was pretty good with some nice updating...these guys STILL did NOT belong ANYWHERE near Smallville and Clark's youth!

6. Lois and Clark walking down the aisle. NOOOO!!!! Again, [Consuela voice] Lois no come to Smallville. Clark go to Metropolis, work for Daily Planet, meet Lois Lane, become Superman, save people. You just don't even THINK about marrying Lois Lane in Smallville! Even a five year old kid with a comic book in his hand will tell you that! GAWD!! This leaves absolutely NO mystery to their relationship as Clark/Superman and Daily Planet reporter Lois in the future. Thanks, guys!

7. The use of John Williams' music from "Superman, The Movie" in later seasons. My ears literally hurt when I started hearing what I consider to be THE quintessential Superman theme against this turd! O.K. the first time I heard it in one episode (before things started to spiral out of control) was kind of cool. But PLEASE don't even think about comparing "Smallville" to the epic grandeur of Christopher Reeve's opus! Yes, Reeve did do a couple of guest appearances and I appreciated that. But that doesn't give you guys carte blanche!

As a disclaimer, there are a lot of fans out there who really love "Smallville", and I completely respect that. But to me the show is just another example of how reboots and re-imaginings created in the US have almost never worked. I've said it before and I'll say it again....The Brits SERIOUSLY know how to do it! "Doctor Who" is an incredible show that could have dug a huge grave for the classic show and dumped it in. But instead they know how to savor and respect what's come before while moving forward with some amazingly expansive ideas and emotional impact.